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I don’t know what to say. I wish you a wonderful life, and I will try to have a wonderful life too. Although I think that goal of a happy life is impossible for us both, when not in each other’s arms. Maybe this doesn’t have to be forever. Maybe someday, we will get to have those multiple lifetimes together that we have often talked about.” The next morning, on the train, I told my co-worker about Eric’s message, and I broke down sobbing. My co-worker tried to kiss me! “What the hell are you doing?” I demanded. “I may be vulnerable right now, but not vulnerable enough to want THAT!” He mumbled something about me being a cold fish. Or maybe it was cold bitch. The next weekend, I went to another concert of the local non-Christian spiritual musical group. After the concert, I got talking to the drummer. We dated a few times, and yes I took him to a motel (not the one Eric and I had so often used – the memory would have been too painful). Mostly out of curiosity to see what it was like. Mom would kiss my cheek and I would go to bed. I would close my door, strip and get into bed. For some reason I had developed the habit of sleeping naked. I loved the rough feeling of sheets that had been dried outside instead of in a dryer next to my naked skin. It was also normal that I went to bed sporting an erection from mom's head resting on my lap and her casual stroking of my thigh.Even at that age I was more of a man between my legs than most adults could lay claim. In my curiosity I decided one day to find out how big I had become. Finding a cloth measuring tape in mom's sewing basket I waited until I was as erect and hard as I could get. Eight inches long and five and a half inches around wasn't what I would call bad for only fifteen. From what I had read and heard six to six and a half was average so I considered myself extremely lucky.It really didn't matter to me how big or small I was, jerking off was still a very pleasant pastime. Most of the time I could still feel.
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